I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
