you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
