everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
