I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
