when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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