Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
