I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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