Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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