I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
