I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize