i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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