Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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