Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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