I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
