Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
