when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
