If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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