Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Randomize