I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
