the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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