her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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