smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
