pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we made out on top of his cat.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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