Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
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Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
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I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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