craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
