Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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