Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
