please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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