Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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