is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
