New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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