Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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