Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
