Swine flu. Run for my life!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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