Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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