I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
