the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
