I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
