dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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