He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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