Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
