I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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