After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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