All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
