If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
