And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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