We won't sleep together?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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