You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
