So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
