before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
