I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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