remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I love having hate sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
