My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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