Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is Oprah even human
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
