if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
