well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
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siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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