I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize