Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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