Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
