Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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