I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
