I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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