you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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