I didn't shave. On purpose
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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