I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
did i just pee glitter
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
