1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far