I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently