The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.