I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
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My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
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Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works