do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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