Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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