So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im holly from the hills drunk
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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