I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
