It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
