I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
